A blonde is driving along a deserted country road with fields on either side. She looks out the window and sees another blonde in the middle of a field, in a rowboat, rowing and rowing.

She stops the car, rolls down the window and yells, "You know it's blondes like you who give the rest of us blondes a bad name!"

Getting no reaction from the blonde in the rowboat, she screams, "If I could swim I'd come out there and punch you out!"

NEW BLOG!

YO GUYZ,THIS IS THE NEW BLOG I'VE OPENED&HOPE I WILL GET AN AWESOME REPLY FROM U :)PLZ FEEL FREE  TO POST COMMENTS, POEMS, STORIES, ETC <3<3

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from headaches, does that mean that the other person actually enjoys them? 

If you ever think that nobody cares if you live or not, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 

Why are banks one of the few places that will lend money to you but only after you've proved to them that you do not need it? 

Thought for the Day - Remember it is not necessary to have a parachute if you wish 
to skydive; unless you are going to do it twice. 

Thought for the Day - If you ever get the urge to fight fire with fire; just remember – the Fire Service generally uses water. 

Final thought of the day - Nostalgia really isn’t anything like it once was. 

Dumb 
Santa: Do you know how to keep an idiot in suspense?
Banta: No, tell me how?
Santa: I will tell you next week. 

Insulting Wife 
Man 1: What type is your wife?
Man 2: She is the type of wife who knows what she wants till one of the neighborhood ladies gets it. 

Jerk Fail 
Friend 1: Please stop telling everyone that I am a jerk.
Friend 2: Sorry, I didn't know that it was meant to be a secret.

 

Married Life Fail 
Neighbor 1: I think that it was the Smith's wedding anniversary yesterday.
Neighbor 2: How do you know that?
Neighbor 1: There was 2 minutes of silence in their house yesterday. 

Insulting Joke 
Man 1: You remind me of a film star.
Man 2: Which one?
Man 1: The one in Planet of the apes 

Married Life 
Woman to her friend: My husband and I were happy for 25 years and then we met. 

The ugly girl in the beauty parlor 
Man 1: I know that she is ugly but not as much as I thought.
Man 2: What happened?
Man 1: She had to spend six hours in the beauty parlor just to get an estimate. 

Fat Man on a Weighing Machine Joke 
A fat man wanted to see how much he weighs and stepped on the electronic weighing machine. The machine printed: One at a time please! 

Dumb Actress 
Director to an aspiring actress: Were you ever cast before?
Aspiring Actress:
Yes, last year I fell down and had my left leg in a cast.